


What possible use is that going to be?

by Apatheia_Jane



Category: Top Gear (UK)
Genre: Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-13
Updated: 2009-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-02 14:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apatheia_Jane/pseuds/Apatheia_Jane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a topgearslash prompt challenge, with the prompt being the title line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What possible use is that going to be?

"What possible use is that going to be?" Jeremy angrily demanded of James, pausing and turning his head round to glare at him. "We've got zombie hordes descending upon us, can you please please put down the broom and pick up a rifle, now?"

"It's a blood-borne disease. If we cut ourselves on the broken glass, we're more likely to get infected," James didn't look up from his task. "Yelling at me won't help, keep firing. You hold them off while I clean this up, and then we can board up the windows."

"Hordes, James. Zombie hordes," Jeremy emphasised desperately, firing blindly out his window while looking at James. "I can't keep them all at bay while you're getting carried away with your cleaning fetish!"

"I'm done now." James announced as he stood and emptied the dustpan into the bin in the corner, then tucked the broom away into the cupboard.

"Is that really necessary? Hurry up! I do not want to die because you think an untidy room rates a bigger threat than zombies! And speaking of slow, what's keeping Hamster?"

As if in answer, two shots fired from the basement, accompanied by a loud clatter of falling wood. They both turned in horror towards the basement door, the silence suddenly deafeningly loud. Jeremy moved first, shoving his rifle into James' hands and pointing him towards the window, before grabbing the shotgun and plunging headlong into the darkness, taking the crumbling stairs three at a time. "Richard!" he cried out, his eyes struggling to see anything, unable to hear anything either for long moments over his own breathing and the sound of resumed steady gunfire upstairs.

"Ow. Sorry." Richard's unmistakable voice sheepishly sounded out from the back corner, immediately followed by a coughing fit and some more smaller things falling. Relief washed over Jeremy, and he slung the shotgun over his back out of the way before picking his footing across the uneven floor towards the sound. "I couldn't see what I was doing, &amp; I had a bit of trouble getting the wine rack frame off the wall."

Jeremy's blindly reaching hand brushed Richard's neck, slippery with sweat, and he grabbed the rest of him and pulled him in for a hug, Richard's arms fumbling awkwardly around the gun to return the hug. "He's alright," he yelled up the stairs for James' benefit. Pressed up against him, he could feel Richard trembling slightly in his damp shirt, covered in dust, the smell of frustration and adrenaline coming off him overwhelming the smell of the cold damp cellar. "You got fed up and shot at it, didn't you?"

Richard's voice was muffled against Jeremy's chest. "Bit, yeah."

Jeremy laughed and let him go, trying to make out any intact planks amongst the mess around them. "Did it work? Because if we don't get up there soon with more wood, James'll have re-filed all the nails away."

Richard poked at the debris around them with his foot. "Enough to get started, I think. Carry this lot up, and I'll have a crack at the cabinet."

Jeremy hesitated, then muttered something that may have been "fuck it." He made a grab for Richard again, this time catching his arm above the elbow. He bent his knees to get his face down to Richard's level, then kissed him, firm closed lips pressed against Richard's for just a moment, conscious of having left James as their only line of defence. He backed off almost right away, but kept his hand strong around Richard's arm. His sight had adjusted a bit, enough to see a flash of teeth as Richard licked his lips, and the slight widening of his eyes in surprise. "We're going to get through this," he fiercely told Richard. "All three of us. But don't scare me like that again."

Richard nodded dumbly, then had another minor coughing fit. "Ok," he said as soon as he could.

Jeremy kissed him again, not quite so desperate but no less fierce, because he doubted he'd ever have a better excuse for an inappropriate pass at a mate than a genuine fucking Zombie Apocalypse. Richard wasn't pulling away, was actually kissing him back, and it occurred to Jeremy that this could continue, maybe even until they were overrun and their brains were horrifically ripped from their skulls and devoured by slow-moving rotting dead things, and then he'd never get to mock Richard for being a secret homosexualist. He's also never get be a secret homosexualist with Richard naked and gasping against him, and that would definitely be unfortunate. He stepped back and knelt down, trying to get his breathing under control while feeling out for the bigger bits of former wine rack.

After a second, Richard bent down and helped load him up with more wood and the hammer. He stared after Jeremy's silhouette as he climbed the stairs quickly but carefully then disappeared through the door.

"Huh," Richard said to himself. He turned and took aim at where he thought the cabinet was, then paused. "Fire in the hold!" he shouted up the stairs, giving it a second before pulling the trigger.

Upstairs, Jeremy laid the wood in a pile under the other window, taking stock of the situation. James had been busy, successfully picking off the closest and thinning the ranks behind. As he watched, another one went down with a head-shot and didn't get up.

"Everything alright?" James asked, worry in his voice but still calmly lining up his next target.

Jeremy picked up a nail from the neat pile in front of his window, and positioned a plank across the frame. "Yeah." he said, reaching for the hammer. "I think everything's going to be fine."


End file.
